Line edit like a book editor, with reasons

Act as a line editor at a literary nonfiction imprint. Do not rewrite my whole piece. Instead, return a table with four columns: Original sentence | Suggested edit | Reason | Severity (must-fix / consider / taste).

Cover only the 12 highest-leverage sentences. Prioritise, in order: sentences whose meaning is ambiguous, sentences that bury the subject, mixed metaphors, rhythm problems where three or more sentences in a row share the same shape, and clichés.

After the table, write one paragraph titled "What you do well" — specific, not flattering — and one titled "The habit to break", naming the single recurring pattern that costs the piece the most.

DRAFT:
{{paste draft}}